Supporting a Loved One
Watching someone you care about struggle with substance use or a mental-health crisis is hard. You can’t force someone into recovery, but you can make it easier for them to reach help when they’re ready — and you can protect yourself in the process.
What You Can Do
- Listen without bargaining. You don’t have to have the right words. Staying present and saying “I’m worried about you and I want to help” is enough.
- Have the helpline number ready. Keep SAMHSA’s National Helpline — 1-800-662-4357 — in your phone. When a moment opens up, you can offer it immediately.
- Offer practical logistics. Sometimes the barrier is concrete: no car, no childcare, no idea how to make the first call. Offering to make the call together, drive them to an appointment, or watch the kids removes a real obstacle.
- Set limits that protect you. A boundary is not a punishment; it is a statement about what you will and won’t do. Clear, calm limits — stated once and followed through on — are more useful than repeated threats.
What Tends Not to Help
- Ultimatums delivered in anger. They often accelerate shame and withdrawal rather than motivating change. If you need to set a firm limit, do it when you’re calm and can follow through.
- Covering consequences. Paying the ticket, calling in sick for them, or smoothing over situations can remove the natural friction that sometimes moves people toward help. This is not a rule — every situation is different — but it is worth thinking about.
- Taking relapse personally. Relapse is common in the course of recovery from addiction, the same way it is in managing any chronic health condition. It does not mean your support failed or that recovery is impossible.
The Helpline Is for Family Members Too
SAMHSA’s National Helpline — 1-800-662-4357 — is explicitly available to family members and friends, not just the person who is struggling. They can help you understand treatment options, talk through what you’re dealing with, and refer you to support groups for families. It is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day.
If There Is Immediate Danger
If your loved one is expressing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, or you believe they are in immediate danger, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). You can call on their behalf. A trained counselor will help you figure out the next step.
Take Care of Yourself
Supporting someone through a serious health struggle is exhausting. You are allowed to need support too. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are peer support groups specifically for family members; many people find them invaluable. SAMHSA’s helpline can refer you to family support services in your area. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and burning yourself out does not help either of you.